Kepada siapa yang mampu menyanyi sumbang, sila nyanyi, aku perlu hujan lebat

Suhu yang sangat panas di ibu kota pada ketika ini menyebabkan aku hampir migrain lagi. Lebih lebih lagi tinggal di tingkat atas sebuah rumah teres yang terletak di tengah tengah barisan. Panas nya sampai ke tulang. Dan darah aku rasa seperti mendidih. Aku perlu hujan yang lebat dan salji.

Tengahari tadi aku kuatkan semangat dengan berseluar pendek dan t-shirt putih untuk pergi makan di Gerai MBPJ. Seperti biasa, aku memilih venue gerai paling hujung. Masakan Jawa.

"Hei, selalu juga awak makan kat sini kan?" tegur makcik cashier. "Tinggal mana ni?"

"Dekat Taman Indah sana tu, boleh dapat diskaun ke kalau makan selalu?" aku balas.

Tersimpul senyuman makcik itu. "Best tak makan sini?" perh, makcik ni bagi soalan maut membuat aku senyum sambil menggeleng geleng kepala. "Kenapa?"

"Beeeest, sebab kat sini ada awek cun." Sambil aku jeling pada anak dara yang duduk di dalam gerai tersebut. Boleh jadi anak makcik tu.

See, aku tak hipokrit kan?

Kadang kadang perlu juga jaga tepi kain orang, bukan sebab menyibuk, tapi caring

Aku tidak suka jadi hipokrit. Rujuk tulisan yang ini.

Aku juga tidak suka bila aku terpaksa jadi hipokrit.

Dan aku tidak suka dengan orang orang yang hipokrit.

Salah satu perkara yang agak kurang menyenangkan hati bila tinggal di sebuah taman perumahan teres yang mempunyai rukun tetangga ialah aku tidak boleh selalu pulang lewat malam.

Contohnya, beberapa malam lepas. Aku pulang rumah bukanlah lewat sangat pun. Cuma mungkin terlalu awal pagi.

Esok nya semasa aku panaskan enjin, aku disapa makcik jiran sebelah.

"Awak ni selalu lewat pulang ye," katanya sambil menjemur pakaian.

Aku sengih. "Biasa lah orang muda, lepak tengok bola." Kemudian, aku pecut. Sambil dalam hati kata "...dekat Coco Banana."

Arrhh. Aku benci hipokrit.

Pedih bila dipertontonkan kata kata nista orang yang kecewa

Aku baru saja lepas mandi bila aku dapati ada satu pesanan teks telah lama sampai tapi belum terbaca.

"Satu hari cinta dan kawan berjalan jalan di dalam kampung.
Tiba tiba cinta terjatuh ke dalam telaga.
Kenapa? Kerana cinta itu buta.
Lalu, kawan pun ikut terjun dalam telaga.
Kenapa? Kerana kawan akan buat apa saja demi cinta!"

Aku bakar sebatang Marlboro Light dan sambung baca.

"Di dalam telaga, cinta hilang!
Kenapa? Kerana cinta itu halus, mudah hilang kalau tak dijaga.
Sukar dicari apatah lagi dalam telaga yang gelap.
Sedangkan kawan masih lagi tercari cari di mana cinta dan terus menunggu.
Kenapa? Kerana kawan itu setia dan akan kekal sebagai kawan selamanya."

Aku baling telefon bimbit ke hujung tilam. Aku tutup mata sambil hembus asap rokok.

Aku percaya bahawa aku tidak percaya.

Terhempas dan terbunuh, dari jiwa yang membenci

361 000 000 square kilometers keluasan area lautan, 72% dari Bumi...Berzillion trillion pasir di sepanjang pantai seluruh dunia...
Dari hulu ke hillir sungai, ada deras, ada tenang, ada dalam, ada cetek...

Sehijau dunia dengan bukit bukau, tanah pamah, 149 000 000 km square area daratan...
Gunung ganang terpacak gah di lembah dan banjaran tersusun rapi...Seputih salju di Himalaya, setinggi Everest 8,848 metres melangit..

Sawah bendang menghampar membekal isi kepada 6,706,993,152 penduduk di muka bumi...
Ladang ladang terus subur membekal tenaga berjasa pada umat manusia...
Seindah sunyi suasana di kampung dan di desa nun jauh di sana...Daerah, pekan, bandar, bandaraya...

Bandaraya mega dihutani konkrit buatan tangan manusia...Namun begitu...
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MENGAPAAAAA DI SEBELAH KU JUA KAU MUNCULLLL, BAHALOOOOOOOL?????

I need to have a rest

Suddenly aku teringin benar balik ke Sabah. Duduk di tepi pantai di waktu senja. Berseluar pendek tanpa baju. Dihembus bayu sepoi Laut China Selatan. Rambut berterbangan. Menghisap Marlboro Light. 3 botol hijau Barbican.

Musik ini cuba merasuk bikin kepalaku terhangguk hangguk

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again! it had a dying fall:
O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound
That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing and giving odour!
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

Ada dua perkara yang menyebabkan pagi aku dan untuk sepanjang hari itu terasa seksi dan seolah olah mendapat orgasma yang agung malam sebelumnya . Musik dan Marlboro Light. Selain dari Nasi Lemak hujung taman dan Kopi Kapal Api yang betul betul Kaw. Let's talk about music.

Radio Flyfm menyambut hari jadi Charlie Chaplin dengan menghadiahkan wang tunai rm100 dengan meniru watak girlfriend Charlie Chaplin. Beb, that was sooooo bloody simple and fucking easy man. Aku terlepas sebab aku dengar pun dari bilik air dan sedang, hmm you know it. Dan perkara yang paling menyedihkan menggelibuluketiakakukan, they imitated suara girlfriend Popeye, Olive! Haha, shame on you guys. Finally this guy he was just being silent when imitating Charlie's girlfriend, and he won it! Untuk rekod, Charlie melakonkan watak tanpa suara dalam semua filem nya. That was soooo easy, wasn't it?

Ok, balik kepada perkara asal. Musik merupakan ilustrasi bunyi yang menghasilkan alunan nada yang mampu membuat perasaan seseorang menjadi lebih tenang dan rileks. Dengan musik orang menjadi lebih merasakan erti hidup lebih jauh. Tumpahan perasaan yang ikut terbawa dalam satu tembang, secara tidak sengaja melebur kedalam arus nada-nada itu. Cewah.

Musik hanyalah sebuah media pencurahan tentang yang dirasa dan diketahui. Sebagai pembawa jati diri melalui eksplorasi dan kreasi. Bukan begitu? Orang yang menyenangi musik, dimasa tuanya akan terlihat awet muda. Beginilah cara menghargai hidup, salah satunya dengan bermain musik maupun mendengarkannya. Wah..

Currently I'm listening to this album. Tanpa henti.

Limp Bizkit - The Unquestionable Truth II,

and this one also..

Papa Roach - Metamorphosis,

dan lagi..

Snoop Dogg - Welcome 2 Tha Chuuch,

dan ini sekali sekala bila perlukan ketenangan,..

Ronan Keating - Songs For My Mother.

Emotional Intelligence

A big part of being a human being is being human.

And being human means having emotions.

All of us have the same emotions. We all feel fear, sadness, anger, love, hate, disappointment, joy, happiness, and other emotions.

What makes us individuals is how we each handle those emotions.

Same emotion, different thought...different being...different doing...different having.

Goal Setting

BE-DO-HAVE

Goals are the ‘have’ part of those three words. Goals such as to have a nice body, or to have a perfect relationship, or to have millions of dollars, or to have great health, or to have fame. Once most people figure out what they want to have, their goal, they begin listing what they have ‘to do’. That is why most people have ‘To Do’ lists. They set their goal and then begin ‘doing’.

What most people do when they want a perfect body is go on a diet, and then go to the gym. This lasts for a few weeks and then most are back to the old diet of French fries and Subway, and instead of going to the gym, they watch Spa Q 2 on TV. This is an example of ‘doing’ instead of ‘being’. It’s not the diet that counts; it’s who you have to be to follow the diet that counts. Yet, every millions of people look for the perfect diet to follow in order to become thin. They focus on what they have to do, rather than who they have to be. A diet will not help if your thoughts do not change.

Many people buy a new set of golf clubs in hopes that they can improve their game, instead of starting with the attitude, mind-set, and beliefs of a professional golfer. A lousy golfer with a new set of golf clubs is still a lousy golfer.

Many people think that buying stocks or mutual funds will make them rich. Well, simply buying stocks, mutual funds, real estate and bonds will not make you rich. Just doing what professional investors do does not guarantee financial success. A person who has a loser mentality will always lose no matter what stock, bond, real estate or mutual fund they buy.

So many people go to bars or to work or to their nearest mall looking for the perfect person, the person of their dreams. That is what they ‘do’. What they ‘do’ is go and look for the ‘right person’ instead of work on ‘being the right person’.

In marriages, many people try to change the other person so they can have a better marriage. Instead of trying to change the other person, which often leads to fights, it is better to change yourself first. Don’t work on the other person; work on your thoughts about that person.

Many people who were out to ‘change the world’ but were not getting anywhere. They wanted to change everyone else, but not change themselves.

And when it comes to money, many people try ‘to do’ what the rich do and ‘to have’ what the rich have. So they go out and buy a house that looks rich, a car that looks rich, and send their kids to the schools where the rich send their kids. All this does is cause these people ‘to do’ by working harder and ‘to have’ more debt, which causes them to work even harder, which is not the truly rich do.

The good news is that it does not cost much money to change your thinking. In fact, it can be done for free. The bad news is that sometimes it’s hard to change some deep core thoughts that are handed down from generation to generation, or thought that we learned from friends, from work, and from school. Yet, it can be done.

Notable quotes on Education

Another Brick In The Wall - Korn

Winston Churcill once said: "I am always ready to learn, but I do not always like being taught."

John Updike said: "The founding fathers in their wisdom decided that children were an unnatural strain on their parents. So they provided jails called school, equipped with tortures called education."

Norman Douglas said: "Education is the state-controlled manufactory of echoes."

H. L. Mencken said: "School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence. They are full of dull, unintelligible tasks, new and unpleasant ordinances, and brutal violations of common sense and common decency."

Galileo said: "You cannot teach a person anything; you can only help him find it within himself."

Mark Twain said: "I never let schooling interfere with my education."

Albert Einstein said: "There is too much education altogether, especially in American schools."

Becoming A Teacher

18-Revelation - D12
*Sila play lagu di atas sambil membaca tulisan kali ini (untuk feeling lebih).

Aku berdiri membelakangi kedai tujuh-sebelas sambil mengetuk sekotak rokok Marlboro Light yang secara obvious terpampang gambar-kanser-leher-separa-Adobe-Photoshop-CS3. Seluar jeans lusuh kutarik sedikit ke atas, bagi memberi ruang untuk aku melabuhkan punggung di tepi cermin lutsinar di depan kedai itu. Fikiran melayang lagi sambil menarik asap rokok yang baru kucucuh. My fears and lack of success were beating me, and my dream had been pushed aside. As I sat there, my mind drifted back to my days in high school.

When I was 15 years old, my high school guidance counselor asked me, "What are you going to do when you grow up? Are you going to become a teacher like you dad?"

Looking straight at my counselor, my answer was straightforward, strong and filled with conviction. "I'll never be a teacher. Becoming a teacher is the last thing I would ever do."

Aku bukan tidak suka sekolah. Aku benci padanya. Aku benar-benar benci bila terpaksa duduk dan mendengarkan seseorang yang tidak begitu aku suka atau aku hormati selama berbulan bulan di dalam satu subjek yang aku tidak langsung mempunyai minat. Aku resah, meliuk-liuk, membuat masalah sendiri di belakang bilik darjah, jika tidakpun aku hanya meninggalkannya dan bukannya hadir ke kelas langsung.

So when my guidance counselor asked me if I was planning to seek a career, following in my father's footsteps as a teacher, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

Little did I know at the time that passion is a combination of love and hate. I loved learning, but I hated school. I absolutely detested sitting there and being programmed into becoming something I did not want to be.

I was not alone.